haiz.sad.

received an sms from mum early morning at 9plus on 10th oct 2005....saying aunt has passed away...i tot i was dreaming.i was still very calm when i read dat sms.i calmly got out of bed..calmly brushed my teeth and changed...

when i reached my aunt's place..she was already on the bed...so pale and lifeless...sigh.when i saw her i just hugged my small aunt and cried.no longer calm.dono how to describe the feeling.it's just an overwhelming sense of loss.didn't noe dat dis day would actually come.it's just lyk a dream..so unreal to me.

the rest of the week passed by lyk a flash...i stayed every nite at the void deck to watch over stuff at the funeral...chasing away cats...helping to fold joss papers...i think i broke my record.i spent 12 hours folding joss papers on the last nite of the funeral.lol.it's lyk..already in my head i can close my eyes and fold...

lots of relatives came...long lost friends....ppl we have not seen in years...everyone's impression of me is still of a baby at jalan tua gong(my ahma's kampong).my goodness.dat is dono lyk how many years ago.first nite was rather silent.only one or two relatives came dats all.tuesday nite was the most.plus CG.(thanks for coming.) wednesday nite all the jalan tua gong kampong kakis came...was a busy nite serving food and drinks and making small talk with ppl i've nvr seen b4 but seem to noe me.lol.

staying overnite at the void deck was quite unpleasant.but with relatives ard,it made things easier.first nite was a killer...not used to staying up at the void deck.kept on falling aslp.mum even brought down her rocking chair.dono how she rock..she fell backwards and the rocking chair folded up and wedge her inside.lol.joke of the nite.it helped to perk us up.thursday nite...folding joss papers...my small aunt suddenly stared intensely at the altar and mumbled "coming back already coming back already"...it got us panicking...wad coming back? then turn out she was actually asking "how many bags already" .lol.bags of joss papers dat is.wednesday nite coming close to 4plus in the morning...me,my sis and my 4th aunt were starving.so we called for mcdonald's delivery.it wasn't dat bad.dey managed to maintain the freshness of the food.

so..dis morning was the cremation.i wasn't looking forward to dis day.in fact i was highly dreading it.can't imagine the scene.i was scared yet sad yet nervous..i dono.just an overwhelming mix of feelings.dad's band came in the morning to play some songs...then came the dreaded moment.we were driven to mandai cremation and colu-dono wad wad wad centre.it looks lyk an airport.got arrival hall departure hall.got viewing hall oso.but its not to view aeroplanes.its to view the coffin being pushed in to b burnt.it's so so so super scary and i was just so scared.yet again im super sad oso.haiz.dat scenario will forever stay in my mind.haiz....

after dat went back..wait for the ashes...ard 2plus we went back to collect my aunt's ashes...well bones actually.it's incredibly interesting.pieces of her spinal cord,wrist bone,rib cage,hip bone,bits of her skull plates..and u can see bits of black and orange and greenish stuff on her bones.we were guessing it must b her cancer and her chemotherapy and her medication dat caused all dis colouring on the bones.then one by one we have to drop the bones in the urn.omg.the feeling of human bones in ur hands...it's eeky yet interesting to feel.the fact dat it's the bones of someone close to u makes it even more thrilling.it's sad...wads left of my aunt,is dis heap of bones...haiz....why why why must it turn out lyk dat...

after dat went to the San Qing Gong temple at bedok ave4 to place her urn there.on the way we saw the altar of an old kampong friend hu used to paddle his bicycle and sell ice cream.wad a small world.on the streets u meet friends hu havent met in a while...and now even at the temple oso can chance upon altar of late friends.hehe~!!
dey applied superglue on the urn...it's sealed forever...then it's placed in the niche.sealed forever oso.haiz.

and so..dis sad week just passed by lyk dat....in such a flash..haiz.the sushi treats,dim sum treats,mahjong sessions,ktv sessions...moments spent watching drama series on her lap when i was young...haizhaizhaiz....im gona miss her alot alot alot.