can't sleep..so much has been going on in my mind. xin may be right, i am growing on barren land, a land with no nutrients. personal growth,yeh maybe. but otherwise, not much growth. yeh, she may be right. but then again, God works in mysterious ways and so we must not judge or decide anything based on our own limited perspectives.

everything happens for a reason. my departure was for a reason, my arrival was for a reason, and i believe all of these are lessons God wants me to learn. perhaps all these are tests and chastisements from Him. perhaps it's His form of discipling me. i dono. all i can say is, i have changed and i don't like this new me at all.

i miss them. but God is the one leading. so i won't act on rash impulses anymore.


thanks xin. i miss u tonnes!

CNY

my CNY was good. catched up with cousins whom i have not catched up with for ages.

first day was just full of visiting and food. the highlight came on the 2nd night of CNY.

we headed down to this place:









here, you'll find singers singing stuff like those in the 7th month ghost festival "concert", as well as singers accompanying lonely old men at their tables pouring and drinking drinks with them. my daddy is the drummer, my uncle the keyboardist, and my aunt works at the reception at this place.

anyway, so we were just sitting at our tables, drinking and chatting and just minding our own business when this weird man sat down beside chris and started to chat nonsense. We couldn't even make out what the hell he was talking about. we got quite irritated. my mum went out to the loo, my dad and uncle were playing on stage. so we couldn't really do anything.

luckily, my aunt looked over from the reception and saw this old man, and she asked a bouncer to chase him away. when the bouncer came, this old man refused to leave, and even sprouted more nonsense, saying we were the ones who invited him to sit at our table! utter bullshit.

and then the bouncer punched him. omg. i don't know whether to laugh or be scared at that moment because the old man was just being tipsy and irritating and the bouncer punched him. it was kinda comical. haha..and then another bouncer came over and both started shouting and attacking him. and then that old man became a little agressive and he turned around and said something to chris with this fierce look in his eyes. then everyone nearby started to look and stare at our table. gosh. it was just mad.

they managed to get the old man away. whew.

on the third day of CNY, relatives came to my place and we had another round of steamboat.



see those little thingies with the pink ears? they're piggy fish cakes. my mum is like so into pigs this CNY.



little piggies in the steamboat! eeeks!!



i have one in my bowl! Lol.



daddy's old school ah beng tattoo. there's my mum's name on it.


that's all for my CNY. and of cuz my hong baos made me very happy. *chuckles*

puppies!

Mocha is a happy mother!



one of her little pups. their eyes have not opened yet.

today marks their one week on earth!

Went to the vet 2 days ago and the vet said Mocha is expecting 3-4 puppies. Gave her a jab of vitamins, and gave calcium pills to help her in her milk production, as well as multi vitamins to give her nutrition and strength for her and her pups.

Today, Mocha went into labour. it was a very exciting moment. Her waterbag broke at about 1.45pm...her first pup only came at 4:16pm...but then.. very sad. the first pup was a really huge one and Mocha had difficulty pushing it out. It was stuck in its membrane and it suffocated to death...very sad...

The rest of the three pups came in 15-30 minute intervals. All were really tiny compared to the first one, so they were easier for Mocha to push out. I tore their membrane immediately to prevent them from suffocating, like what happened to the first one.

The whole process wasn't as bloody and dirty and smelly as i'd expected. In fact, it was rather clean because Mocha licked up everything on her own. I guess all dogs have natural instincts to clean up after their babies. So it was an easy thing to manage.

I still can't tell the gender or the breed of the pups yet. I still don't know which dog breed raped my Mocha. But it's ok. Yes i am sad that we lost the first pup, but it's done. I can now only rejoice over the others that are ok. May the first pup rest in peace and go to heaven.

I've taken pictures and videos of the whole process. I shall post them up soon!

You like to see me suffer, right?

It's ok. I won't retaliate. Do what you want. In the end, you'll suffer the most. Bitterness will eat your heart up, and you will be so consumed by hatred that you will be so sick of yourself.





Mocha is suspected to be pregnant. Me and sis checked up the pregnancy symptoms for canines and they all matched what Mocha is experiencing right now. Her appetite has increased a hundred fold, and her belly is bulging out with tits so huge that she looks like she has a cow's udder.



Scary.

Tmr, if Mr Wong is free and all goes well, we're gona bring her to the vet.

I've changed my driving instructor (finally). Tmr will be my first lesson with my new instructor. Looks like i've got to pospone my driving exam date. That stinky old man (my previous instructor) has not even brought me into the circuit once. How did he expect me to pass? And he didn't allow me to postpone my exam date even! Ridiculous.

Hopefully all goes well with this new instructor.

Mum made little piggies out of red packets. Hilarious.



and i finally got to eat ikea's meatballs!!! (slow i know.)



yum!

as for school, WE'RE LEARNING HD!!! woo! had a training today from this Mr Guna on how to operate the HD cameras...omg one memory card for the HD camera ( we call it the P2 card) costs like..$2000?! and it can only hold up to 8 minutes of content. so we have to bring at least 2 P2 cards out with us when we are filming so we can interchange the cards when one runs out of memory space. We also have to lug around a Mac, so we can upload content into Final Cut Pro on the spot to ensure that the contents in our P2 cards can be uploaded into the Mac and deleted on the spot. Rather troublesome. But in time to come, very soon in fact, we're gona have P2 cards that can store greater memory. and the HD camera rocks! We learned the technic on how to take sunrise to sunset ( don't really have to film the sun from 6am to 6pm, there's a camera trick!) and make objects look like they can walk. The whole equipment is just magical.


problems in the family again. because of them, i don't see a promising future, no matter how much i want to have a successful one. because of them, i can only depend on myself, and i am not even strong enough. i guess my life is destined to be a pit bottom slum always.
What does God want me to learn from it?


mood: sadly struggling

Internal Conflicts

i wish i don't have to eat or sleep. i find both a waste of time. there's too many things i want to do.

am i being over ambitious?

i don't care.




HAFIZ (feez): if you're reading this, can you tag me your email?? thanks!!