I AM 50KG

The title is just a joke. i'm too bored. anyway....

what am i doing blogging at 5:57AM ?!?!??!

insomnia!

i have actually quite a lot of things to blog about but i am too lazy to upload pictures now. :P

went to watch The Simpson's Movie just now (ok yesterday in fact) and it was like super super hilarious. they tried to imitate Al Gore in some ways hahahahaha! nvm. just go watch the movie!

besides, i am also in it.





attachment this monday at Cutting Edge. wish me luck. sometimes i hate it when the industry is so demanding they expect us to give our all to them. i have no time for other stuff for the next 3 months.

but on the other hand, i am also quite excited to go for attachment.

contradicting myself.

i am gona get ready for school in a few hour's time. yes. school on a SATURDAY MORNING. how nice huh. it's ok. it's the last saturday morning i am required to go!!! la la la.

and mr wong i love u so much. many many kisses~~~~

Licensed to drive!

WOOOO I'VE PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!

i think the examiner was being rather lenient because i forgot my seatbelt when i went into the circuit. wahahaha.. thank God i remembered when i was doing my parking! cuz i suddenly felt weird, like how come i can suddenly move so freely when i am doing my parking. hahaa!! and i got Route 4, which was an ok road to drive. The traffic was smooth too on that day. Thank God!!!


Nothing penalized on the first page.


Penalized for being slow (?!?!?!)


A total of 16 points penalized.

Whew. another 4 more points and i would have failed. a blessing indeed.

Thanks to mr wong who drove over to my place early in the morning, delivered breakfast, drove me there and waited for me to finish, and allowed me to use his car to drive home and to school!! kisses~~

anyways, i was on the way home just now and i was on the bus. and this group of noisy people boarded from my school bus stop so i guess they are from my school. and they were SO NOISY. they talked at the top of their lungs about DOTA, and stupid things, and then this guy was like "oh shit! i think i miss my last bus already la! how ah how to check ah?" and then his gang of noisy friends started giving stupid suggestions.

"oh. u go there wait lo. if ten minutes no bus then u go lo."

"u go and see if the queue got people or not lo."

and the guy was fretting "how ah how to check ah. shit la i think i miss my last bus"

OMG LA are they foreigners or what? don't they ever realise that the timings for the first bus and last bus are forever pasted on the bus number sign board?? they take the bus to and fro school everyday, don't they ever NOTICE????

this shows how ignorant people can be. i am not trying to sound smart here or whatever. i think it's true. and anyway i don't like noisy people. they like to talk at the top of their lungs like they own the whole of singapore.

i am done with school. waiting for attachment. i applied for a post production company called Cutting Edge. it's video editing job. and other post production stuff. near chinatown!! maxwell road!! yummy food, bars and pubs woohoo~ my lecturer has yet to schedule me for an interview. i pray that i can get in. i realise that i suddenly want that position very much. i don't know why. leading from God maybe.

oh, i had really yummy chinese dumplings (along with other yummy chinese food) last night! a dinner treat from mr wong's mum for getting my license. this eatery is situated somewhere at katong.


Yummy yummy...veggies, tofu, chinese dumplings!!


This flat pancake thing is super delicious. it's crispyon the outside and juicy on the inside (minced meat and veggies). yummy~~~

aw man. i made myself hungry. i'm craving for these chinese dumplings again!!!

k gota go. tmr's schedule:

morning - video production group meeting
afternoon - heading down to team singapore to film theresa ( you gota check her out. she broke the record for para-olympics and she's participating in the 2008 beijing olympics next year, representing singapore!! )
evening - dinner with cancer society client

yawns. bye.

Pins and Needles

My new baby.



Doesn't she just take your breath away? Love her like mad.






























































kidding. I saw that car on my way to the dojang. I WANT!!!! i'll have to wait centuries to get that car i think. :( (you can see zx and jason in the background xD )

anyway. me and zx are so sick of life that we got ourselves admitted to IMH.



us in our straight jackets.

nah. in our doboks. i think this is the first time ever that we took pics together in our dobok. we look horrible anyway. cuz we were so tired after the training.








tired. there's still stuff to do for school and my attachment is nearing and i don't know what to do. my life is suddenly filled with things that grown ups are supposed face. it sucks to grow up!

and lately I'm getting those pins-and-needles kinda feeling in my limbs like, ALL THE TIME. especially when i'm sitting down/crossing my legs etc. even when i sleep, i'd wake up in the middle of the night with one of my limbs numb and i had to wait for a few seconds or minutes before my blood could circulate there and i can flex my toes/fingers again. freaking weird. anyone know what is going on? (ok as i'm typing this, i'm getting it again, this time at my legs)

Driving exam on 12th July '07. please please pray for me.

and please for goodness sake i am eating already so stop saying i look anorexic because i am not and i don't think i look anywhere near as emaciated as an anorexic. i hear that like a 434543027289573487557 times a week so i'm getting very tired of it already. to be anorexic, you have to be at least 10% underweight, and i am only a few kilos underweight. to be anorexic, you have to miss at least 3 months of your period, and i am getting my period every single month. go look at people on the streets. there are a lot more who are way thinner than me and look emaciated. i know i need to gain some weight and i am working on it. stop piling meat on my plate, stop asking me to eat more because i am, stop asking if i am anorexic, stop bugging me about it ok thanks.

i need holidays, i need to get away from school. i need some R&R and i need to cheer up.

What would you say,
if your daughter ever got raped?
or say your son was a mass murderer,
or had a life you couldn't escape?
What would you say,
if your body was so broken,
because your father beat you,
and called you names that remain unspoken?
what would you say
if you fell into depression
became bulimic or anorexic
because of your body's imperfections?
what would you say,
if tears came to my eyes?
would you hold me tightly in your arms?
or simply watch me cry
what would you say
if my words came to an end?
Would you help me recover from broken hopes
and help me make amends
what would you say
if I were never here
would you continue on with everyday life
as I slowly disappear?

WARNING: GRAPHIC PICTURES NOT FOR THE WEAK HEARTED

9th June 2007:

was at chrice's place and this glass photo frame dropped and fell onto my leg, slicing my skin open.
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and it was already 10++pm. i wanted to faint from seeing the blood but anyway...i rushed home to show mummy the wound and she said i had to get it stitched up and all i could do was cry because i refuse to get stitched up. it hurts like mad.

so..me mummy and chrice headed down to changi hospital A&E and i was told i had to wait for 3 hours! and it was already 12am..i had no choice but to go to this 24hour clinic near my place..

the clinic turned out to have really bad service, including the doc. the way he cleaned my wound, he might as well be scraping fish scales off a dead fish. he was happily pressing my wound hard with a gauze and scraping away with a tweezer, and the cleansing alcohol he used felt like my wound was being BURNED. well i felt like i was being skinned alive at the foot.

i couldn't even walk after that..but then, i didn't get my wound stitched up. like i said, i just refused to. so, the doc glued it up for me..with surgical glue of course. and he made such a huge mess out of it, making my wound bleed again, and my wound looked like some decomposing piece of meat.



sorry if this entry spoiled your appetite. just thought it would be a good start to update after such a long time. hehe.

but anyway...since stupid blogger cannot even do a cut post...i shall have to resort to this.

i have not been very happy lately. things must keep hitting me again and again. i am not happy because of a lot of issues. i am so weak and vulnerable. i try to stay strong but i will always stumble and fall, hard.

i am constantly struggling, wishing to be rescued but at the same time i keep building up all these walls around me. i wish someone could just come and just, save me out of this dark shell that i am trapped in, someone who can really see me inside and is understanding enough not to force me into recovery, but patient enough to help me recover.

i don't know who is real and who is not. i don't know who to believe and i am afraid. i don't know who is there to really harm me and who is there for real. since young i learn from the abusive environment which i grew up in, that the world is a dangerous place. a place where i will constantly be attacked. which explains why i am never strong enough to handle things on my own, because i am just too friggin scared, because i am just too used to getting negative outcomes,just too used to the beatings, the cuts and the hurting stuff thrown at me.

i am so tired of feeling like this but i have no strength to fight back anymore..

God, please, please help me.



i'm back training at the dojang.

(that's mr daniel sng!!)



home sweet home. good old days. :D i've missed out A LOT but, well, i just wana take things from where i left it and build it up.

i wana say thank you to all the people who wished me happy birthday. it was a blessed birthday..thank you to the special special one who made my day! kisses kisses.

more pictures to post up soon. it's time to get back to school work. maybe i shall contemplate moving to livejournal.

*and remember, remember,
tomorrow brings unexpected changes,
but our love, it'll still remain.