blessed~

feel so blessed...have not felt so blessed and happy for quite a period due to all the worldly problems...

service was absolutely fantastic yesterday...super fabulous...cell grp was fantastic as well.and my angel is......JASON~! haha....he disgiused himself so well that i tot my angel was a girl all along!! ha~ crafty Jason....

but anyway,thanks jae! u are so thoughtful...whahaha...actually i wanted to reply to your letters one leh...cuz i asked shar if it is possible if i wana write to my angel.and shar said can...just address it to "Janice's angel" then 2nd letter u say no need reply u liao..haha...

haiz...sometimes i dun feel lyk going home...i know it is absolutely wrong to think of dis.i know ok? dun have to tell me or lecture me or wadever...i know.it's just a dreaded feeling whenever i come home and i face a totally negative atmosphere.it's lyk the aura at home is totally totally on the dark side...i just wana get away from all these negative things,i try to make things better..be cheerful,be thoughful...but to no avail...all i can do is just pray very very hard..i just wana be in God's presence and never leave.just stay there forever..cuz it is there that i will feel very happy and assured..it is the place where i know that everything's gona be alright..it is the place where i give away all my stress and burdens and feel renewed...it is the place where my cries are heard...if no men can hear the cry in my heart,it's ok.God can hear.and i know He will be with me.

"With men it is impossible,but not with God;for with God all things are possible." -Mark 10:27

sad

i feel dat i have let so many ppl down....

y am i such a bad person? so insensitive and so selfish...and take ppl for granted...and nvr spare a thought for others..?
y am i so wrapped up in my own selfish tots..
y am i so uncaring?
y can't i bring joy to my loved ones?
y am i so self-centered? haiz...
y am i so demanding..so insecure all the time....so suspicious of things...
y can't i have a peaceful mind?
y izit always swarming with evil voices?
y am i so crushed?
y am i so taken in by the wrong tots?
y am i so naive?
y am i so inconsiderate?
y am i so ignorant?
y am i over-confident?
y am i always so judgemental?
y can't i love ppl fervently?

Mr. S.A. Tan...just shut up and get out of my life...i'm happier off without you..
i dun need you to make decisions for me cuz it only brings me harm..
i dun need you to help me judge cuz u dono how to love ppl fervently..
i dun need u to direct me cuz it will get me nowhere...
i dun need u to tell me how to live cuz u are only full of death and u dono wad is life...
i dun need u to decide my feelings and emotions cuz it only makes me weaker...
i dun need u to teach me wad is love cuz u dun know anything about true love.
most of all,i dun need u in my life cuz u serve no purpose...u are just a waste of time...
dun ever even dream of looking for me.i will not entertain u.i dun trust u one bit.not even a tiny microscopic bit.i am stronger than u think.

GO TO HELL WHERE YOU RIGHTFULLY BELONG

In God I trust.

sExYyYyYy!!! smitten by dis pic (*-*) wooohoo~~ *gushes* 

All my life (^-^ )

I can never find another lover
Sweeter than you
Sweeter than you
I will never find another lover
More precious than you
More precious than you
*Boy you are
Close to me just like my mother
Close to me just like my father
Close to me just like my sister
Close to me just like my brother
You are the only one my everything
And to you this song I sing

All my life I pray for someone like you
And I thank God, that I
That I finally found you, baby
All my life
I pray for someone like you
And I hope that you
Feel the same way too
Yes I pray that you do love me too

I promise to never fall in love
With a stranger
You're all I'm thinking of
I praise the lord above
For sending me your love
I cherich every hug
I really love you so much

All my life
I pray for someone like you
And I thank God, that I
That I finally found you, baby
All my life
I pray for someone like you
And I hope that you
Feel the same way too
Yes I pray that you do love me too

You're all that I ever know
When you smile my face
Always seem to glow
You turn my life around
You pick me up
When i was down

You're all that I ever know
When you smile my face
Always seem to glow
You pick me up When I was down (X2)

And I hope that you
Feel the same way too
Yes I pray that you
Do love me too

All my life
I pray for someone like you
And I thank God, that I
That I finally found you, baby
All my life I pray for someone like you
And I hope that you
Feel the same way too
Yes I pray that you do love me too

*word is changed to suit the purpose of me entering this lyric into my blog =D

o levels~

exactly one week later from now,i'll be seating for my o level chinese paper~!!! waaaahhhh~~!!! *cryZ* im not dat worried for chinese...but worried for my social studies~!! i have yet to finish studying for it! booohooo~

having emaths tuition later at 5..dis days have been very rainy and wet...and it makes it really troublesome to go out cuz it's cold..yet when i wear long pants to protect myself from the cold,the bottom of my pants get soaked...argh...

went to the airport with him yesterday.at first there were alot alot alot of ppl...but after that slowly it was only the two of us..then after that the lights started to go out..and we were so scared that we would be locked up ..lol...(we were studying at T2 staff canteen) and then the cleaners started to come and clean up the place and the place seem so quiet and eery...lolz..so we quicjly packed up and left for home...

i ate alot yesterday...for breakfast i ate beencurd,vegetarian noodles and cream of mushrooom accompanied by 3 slices of bread...in the afternoon i ate nothing cuz i was so full...in the nite i ate prawn noodles for dinner..and snacked on chocolates...drank ginger beer and lime juice...aaaargh!!! dats alot! and i felt so so so bloated!

8 more days and counting down

8 more days to o levels!!!~~~ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! i'm not exactly 100% prepared....nvm...must have faith!!! cuz SUDDENLY my miracle will come~~ XD

when o levels come...i'm gona countdown to the day when i have freedom from secondary school~ and after dat...i'm gona countdown to my most most most moooost favourite season of the year---> CHRISTMAS~!!!! =D =D and after that i'm gona countdown to new year..and start my new year fresh and anew..with new visions and dreams for the year..and put the unhappy past behind and look ahead~ after that,i'm gona countdown to chinese new year~~ wWEeEEe red packets and not forgetting lots and lots of snacks(hopefully not weight gain though) yupyup~~ after this..im gona countdown to my most anticipated yet frightening moment
----->getting back my o level results....yeh...scary~~~~

unproductive...

*sigh* another unproductive day...why izit dat i always find it hard to concnetrate when i'm studying humanities? argh~ yet i can concentrate really well when i'm doing my maths and science...

by the way...one good news...i've finished my physics ten year series! weEeEee~ well...i dono if it's enough or not...i still think there are some areas which i need to touch up again...am i expecting too much of myself? am i over-working myself? i can't help it though....no matter wad u guys may think...i just wana do well..so that i can choose my future...not do badly and let my grades choose my future...bet alot of u guys out there also want the same thing.*sigh* the question is can i really make it? can i really get the grades i want? man...dis is tough...really tough...good grades seem to be out of reach for me...but i really want it.really badly.my true desire right now.please pray really hard for me..

can't belive exams can really have such a huge impact on me.it's only a few papers...yet i'm freaking out about it...this just shows the power of examinations.i dun wish to see another paper anymore...cuz papers scare me to death~

hold on tight

cherish the sweetness...
lest they melt away..
and can never be felt again...

childhood friends

i miss ah bi and ah xian alot~~ really miss those days in primary school when we would be super notorious and have attitude..wahhaa...i found our primary school photos and we looked so babyface!! argh....can't wait for o levels to be over so i can hang out with them~

after we have entered sec school,we hardly communicate anymore cuz we're always busy with our sch stuff..and also we have found our own group of clicks in sec sch...we do go out at times but not as often as when we were in primary school.but coincidentally we encounter the same problems all the time~ haha...guess dis is really fate...we'd always find ourselves in the same boat...so it's easy for us to relate to each other..and know that we have each other to count on...our friendship is really strong and we've been through a great deal man! from petty quarrels to big fights to cold wars..and i mean really cold..wahaha..and lots and lots of happy memories and crazy times...i still remember there was once me and ah xian sat at a patch of grass and waved and shouted loudly at every bus dat passed by...wahaha...and once when we came back from taekwondo trianing,we saw a mound of grass which the grass cutter had swept aside..and we jumped right into that mound of grass and messed everything up!! hahaha...so fun so fun!!! not forgetting ah bi's bday last year...we went to celebrate at heeren...took lotsa pics huh..and me and ah xian secretly bought a cake for bi...then dragged bi to an underground carpark and gave her a surprise!! whahaa..

i still remember the last chalet we went to..it was years back man..in sec one.ah xian's dad got a chalet at changi safra...and we had lots of fun there...plus we tried to climb onto the roof cuz we were playing badminton and the the shuttlecock got stuck up in one of the roof shingles...hilarious!!! we tried lots of hilarious ways to get the shuttlecock down...from trying to carry bi and me up to the roof to xian throwing a roll of mahjong paper onto the roof...and in the end the mahjong paper got stuck up there as well!!! wahahaha...

haiz...ah bi and ah xian...miss u girls alot!!! looking forward to having a stayover at one of our houses after o levels yeh~~!!! friends forever~

science pract

had my o level science practical today and it was rather tricky! just hope that everything will turn out fine...

mum cooked dinner yesterday and it was delicious (as always) and she made strawberry and bana milkshake.mum cooked dearie's share so he came over for dinner too.tuition was ok but i feel dat it is not productive enough.oh by the way,my tuition teacher said we could go over to her place for a swim anytime we want! cool~ haha...i think i wana go gym..i havent been exercising for quite some time.must fight those flabs!

hyped up

feeling pretty hyped up right now.just came back from sch and i've learned alot of useful skills in answering source based questions for humanities.

i don't have much to say these days probably cuz my life has been revolving around my studies and i shan't rant on about my revision here cuz it may sound really boring for most of you.just wana wish all those who are taking major exams the best of luck.

to a particular someone: can u just stop being so arrogant and carry that i-know-it-all-and-i'm-always-right attitude? it really gets on my nerves.can u please humble urself? can u smile more and dun carry that frown on your face everytime i see you? it dampens my mood tremendously whenever i see your face like that.i can't help but feel extremely irritated.stop being so whiny.u have to accept things even if they dun turn out the way u want them to be.this is life.if u can't even do that i don't know wad to say or do to help you.you don't have to show that i-am-not-happy face to the world everytime u are affected by something cuz it affects the people around you.this can spoil a person's day.think about what u wana say before u even say it out.it is always best to think twice.stop talking with the i-am-clever-you-are-stupid kind of attitude cuz it really gets on people's nerves.stop thinking that you are always right and the people around you are always wrong cuz we can't stand this kind of ego.it would be great if u know who you are.

voices

my mind is invaded with voices.which one is true and which is false? which can be trusted and which can be damaging? these voices haunt me and torment me,making my heart yearn for peace.everyday i am faced to make decisions-long termed and short termed.when decision making comes,so does voices.i don't even know where the voices come from.they just march into my brain like soldiers readily armed for war,giving me a headache.they contradict themselves silly and make me mad.they threaten every strand of my hair to turn white.they are trapped in my skull,pact like sardines in a tin can,making my temples throb as i deal with each and everyone of them.

the voices go wherever i go.as long as my mind is not made up,they are there.they twist and turn themselves into domineering threats to my emotions.they call out to me,instigate me,confuse me.they cling for dear life onto my brain,refusing to let go.the more i think,the more they multiply.it's as if my mind is a carcass infested with insects as it decomposes.

voices,voices,go away! i shall drown them out with rock music and slay them with maths formulas.i shall indoctrinate them with world history and implement them social studies.i shall intoxicate them with chemistry and shut their illogical facts with physics laws.i shall exercise them with the english language and the chinese language.i shall give them a more creative life by introducing art.

rule your mind before it rules you!

only 4 words today

UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED WITH RESULTS

FRUSTRATION

super bored...gona be bored to death...can't wait for time to pass so i can go meet up with the rest for cell group...argh...

my place is so noisy.cuz my spoiled brat niece is at home getting on my dad's nerves and my dad's irritated and he comes and complain to me.argh.wad the heck.can't even have peace at home.argh~!!! and my spoiled brat niece is "multi-tasking"...watching cartoons and playing her piano from toys r us....but actually she's not even paying attention to the tv yet she refuses to off it...wad a waste of resources! and when the bill comes my mum will not be happy cuz of the increased usage.and she says i'm the one who waste electricity!!! says i always use the com and always stay up late to study and waste electricity!!!! how i wish they can open their eyes and look properly before pointing fingers! at least i'm MAKING FULL USE of my electrical appliances! unlike my niece who switches them on and DON'T USE!!!!

the best solution is NOT to stay at home as long as my niece is at home.and i belive there will be JUSTICE!!~!!!! AAARGH!

yooohooo~

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~~~ prelims are over over over oooooooovveeeeeeerrrrrr~~~!! hehehe....my art paper today was ok...but i dono if it is acceptable cuz by right it's suppose to be a painting but i tot i could use colour pencils..so i only brought colour pencils to school..argh wadever~ hehe

went straight home after exam today...and came online to wait for him.hopefully he is able to use the com..can't wait for his return on sunday.to him:if u are reading dis,just wana tell u i miss u and i'm always here for u whenever u need me.perhaps dis period of time is kinda hard for u..i dono..but juz wana let u noe my shoulder is always available for u to cry on,my ears are readily tuned to listen,and my hugs are in abundance.

whew...ok..i'm gona rest and relax for the time being.gona plan my leisure time and activities later.weee~ havent been exercising for quite awhile.so i must plan a time for dis.oh and i can't leave out shopping.lol.i'm not really a fervetn shopper.in fact i only shop less than about 5 times a year.it's just that i'm kinda loaded with cash now..so y not spend them on the things i lyk...pamper myself a little and give myself a credit for being so hardworking in the preparation for prelims! wkaakhaakaha...oh yeh,and also reward myself for fulfilling God's calling for mission funds.wahahakkhakaha...