bleak.

I have so much going on inside of me right now I don't know how to explain. I am sick. Miserably sick and no it's not my period. I AM really sick this time round. My throat is burning, my nose is blocked. My temperature goes up and down and up and down like a yo yo. And I can't sleep well because of these factors. I mean, I cannot breathe through my blocked nose so I gotta breathe through my mouth, but my throat is already so dry and burning, and it hurts to breathe with my mouth. I keep waking up in the night almost every 30 minutes just because of this and it's been two friggin nights already. Oh can I also add that I am coughing like an old hag and my chest hurts every time I cough and there's phlegm stuck in my throat but it hurts to clear my throat? I am so tired and I feel like dying, and I still got my project to worry about. I hate it when it comes to times like this, I feel so hopeless and pathetic and my emotions go haywire which leaves me in a very vulnerable situation for relapses.

Today's my black belt cert presentation and I am not even fit enough to get out of the house. I texted sir but he didn't reply. I just hope he isn't angry or upset or anything. Sometimes I really hate myself for always falling sick at all the wrong timings, and some people may just misunderstand me for being a passive worker.

Fuck them all.

I suck at expressing myself I don't know what else to rant about already but my insides are still bursting with all the bad emotions. It could probably also be due to the fact that I am graduating in a few months and I still don't know what to do with my life. I hate this. On top of that, my house is like a hen house almost everyday and it's totally driving me nuts I wish so much that I could just find a place of my own and live there peacefully happily ever after. I mean, I WANT to rest, but I CAN'T because my mind is so fucking occupied with school work.

Can someone please tell me it is alright to slow down and that it is alright not to CARE about school work for now?

Maybe after graduation, I shall take up a simple job, earn enough, and then fly over to Australia and elope with Chrissy.